skytrash.

though you may be tempted, but probably not, do not ask me for advice.

do not ask me how it feels one year later.

do not ask me if I miss it.

because all you will hear is the terrible honest truth.

I am fine, I love life and I am rebuilding somewhere new.

It is exciting, challenging and the creation of wonderful memories.

I know this.

I also know that now or if when I’m 70 if I were to get the chance to rewind to 2010-2011 I would do it in a heartbeat.

That I miss all my friends but not too much because if you’re good friends you will never feel that far apart. 

I wish I had hugged my friends more, danced on more tables and squeezed in just a little more insanity just to know I spent a little more of my time doing everything I tell stories about now.

I wish I had let someone make me smile more, found more time to snuggle more and laugh more. Because nothing was ever really serious then. Now with time and space and location everything seems a bit heavier. Everyone was all in the same place then, it was so easy to be somewhere or someplace else. Now there’s effort made in every decision, weight placed into showing up, meanings in every move.

I’ll always wish I could take all my friends and take them to a cooler, more grown-up city. And right after graduation it will feel like Charlotte’s that city and it might feel like eventually you’ll all end up there at some point. Now I realize that’s probably not going to happen. We’re everywhere now, and it’d be a damn miracle to get us all back in the same place. And so you keep thinking that we’ll all be together again one day, but if it does happen it’s for a weekend, for a day. It won’t last any longer than that. And it’ll be good. It’ll be oh so good.

And that one day will just have to be enough to get ya through.

Look forward to the new beginnings, meet them with fierce excitement. Don’t be afraid to look back. And get ready for the greatest reunions of your life. Those are the moments you’ll treasure. Because let’s face it, nothing’s better than college. And no one’s better than the kids that helped you survive it.

So yeah, don’t ask me for advice ;)

Random pangs for home have been hitting me lately.

Lazy sunny days watching the longest baseball games in the world with two of my best friends where we laughed more than we paid attention.

Fighting sleep on a familiar futon as I pathetically argue that we should go out even though my eyes are shutting. There are things to be celebrated, memories to be made. I didn’t realize that memories were already in action - we usually stayed in anyway.

Which was perfectly okay because I’d wake up to breakfast being made, half-opened eyes and yawns mixed with smiles. And apparently therapeutic ironing.

I miss the feeling of being extra-super-duper-crazy lost in life, and feeling better about it with spur of the moment shopping trips for future career outfits. Problems were solved with Chick-fil-A fries and ice ‘dreams’. Pita chips and hummus. Sam Adams Summer Ale.

All things that made nothing making sense make perfect sense.

And I wonder if I miss these things because they seem so easily within reach and soon that won’t be the case. Or if they’re already out of my grasp and I just have memories left. Or if because all of those moments just seem so comfortable.

I’m quite sure of the last - all of these memories feel like good dreams. And I know I’m building quite a few of those here and life ain’t so bad, but it will be a while before this feels like home.